The Player's Dictionary

How To Be Assertive - 01

CLICK HERE TO GO TO THE PLAYER'S LIFESTYLE! "CONTENTS" PAGE

How to Go from Passive to Assertive

Steps

1. Learn what it means to be assertive. This sounds pretty obvious. But many people confuse being assertive with being aggressive - as both involve standing up for your rights but are not the same thing. You could start with reading the related Wikihow article on assertiveness at the bottom of this article and/or research other sites/consider doing an assertiveness learning course to improve your knowledge in this area.
2. Identify all the ways you are passive. If being passive is a habit which has developed in you over a number of years, it's likely you're not even aware of all the ways in which you show passive behaviours towards others. The first step to changing any kind of behaviour is to be aware of it. You might find it helps to ask yourself some or all the following questions as a starting point:
   • Do I have a habit of assuming other people's rights are more important than mine?
   • Do I find myself often apologising much more than is actually necessary?
   • If I want to make a complaint about something I'm not happy with, do I usually choose to keep quiet about this rather than admit it for fear of making the situation worse?
   • If I'm in an argument do I just tell the other person what they want to hear for the sake of getting it over with as fast as possible rather than stand up for my views?
   • Am I in the habit of allowing others to make decisions for me rather than making these choices myself?
   • Do I ever get the feeling others deliberately walk all over me? If so is this a regular thing that I allow to happen?
   • Do I believe that I should never make anyone else uncomfortable, angry or displeased apart from myself
     • Note: If you've gone through these questions and the answer happens to be yes to any one (or more) of them then this is an indicator of a way/ways that you tend to demonstrate passive behaviour. You might find that it helps to write this all down in a list and keep it somewhere safe, so that you don't forget anything.
3. Consider how you could replace passive behaviours with assertive ones. Use the knowledge you have gained about your personal passive behaviour habits (refer back to your list if this helps), and ways on how to demonstrate assertive behaviours to decide this. Take as much time as you need over this, as you're bound to have to do quite a bit of thinking for this step. You might find it helps to put your ideas into another list. You could start with noting down one passive behaviour (such as for example saying yes to a request you know you can't or don't want to do) and then writing an alternative assertive behaviour next to it (refuse the request politely but firmly, dare to say no.) and then move on to the next. Keep doing this until you have thought up suitable altnernative behaviours for each of the passive behaviours you know that you tend to use.
4. Start putting the alternative assertive behaviours into practice. Start with the one's you feel would be the easiest to try out, and then - as your confidence grows over time - proceed onto the more challenging one's. Take your time with this and be patient with yourself. You might find that practicing one assertive behaviour multiple times before moving onto another is a good idea - as that way it's likely your confidence will grow at a faster rate rather than if you try to rush yourself.

Tips

• If at any stage you feel trying an assertive behaviour has not been a success because of somebody else's unexpected negative reaction, or that you somehow slipped in some way, don't lose heart. Like attempting anything new, mastering assertiveness takes practice and often alot of it. Do your best to learn from the experience so that you have a better chance at succeeding better the next time round.
• Don't give up! If you keep a persistent attitude you will get there in the end.

Related wikiHows

• How to Be Assertive
• How to Build Self Confidence

Article provided by wikiHow, a wiki how-to manual. Please edit this article and find author credits at the original wikiHow article on How to Go from Passive to Assertive. All content on wikiHow can be shared under a Creative Commons license.

Fight Depression!

Depression - Things That Cause Depression

Depression - Fight Back Against Bad Luck!

Depression - Grieving Over The Loss Of A Loved One

Depression - "How Can I Go Back To The Way I Was Before?"

Depression - Why Do I Feel Under Pressure All The Time?