Public Speaking - The Player's Lifestyle

"Good Communication Skills Is A Must In The Game"

If you are too shy or inhibited when it comes to socializing, talking, and communicating with others, you run the risk of missing out on life-changing opportunities!

You must be willing to reach out to people, mix and mingle, and network if you expect to build a strong team and acquire resources necessary for your Success.

First consider your confidence and why you are shy in conversation or feel awkward in social environments. Is it because:

You are worried what about what to talk about or what to say?

You are worried about people judging you?

You have a phobia or fear of people looking at you?

You don't like talking to other people?

You feel you will say something stupid?

You feel you will be boring?

GET THOSE NEGATIVE THOUGHTS OUT OF YOUR MIND...

Don't make it hard on yourself. Don't think that you have to talk slick and be funny just for someone else to appreciate a good conversation with you.

Everybody can't spit that "flame" out of their mouth.

Everybody don't need to do it.

Be yourself, and work with what you've got.

These are the basics:

A conservation is just dialog in which you will need to do one of three things to begin:

If something's funny, you laugh. If something surprises you, you act surprised.

Sometimes a person may have something on his her chest and want to rant or just needs somebody to talk to. It's okay to just sit and listen. Sometimes that helps more than advice. You let the person talk and they may talk themselves into feeling better or out of kicking someone's ass for whatever type of drama that may be going on.

Either way, if they ask you a question or if you don't understand what they're talking about, ask!

"Hold on a minute, 'Sheila', what did you say?"

"Hold on a minute. Repeat what you just said."

"Hold on a minute, are you saying...?"

Other than that, just give them your full attention, and listen carefully just in case they do happen to want your advice.

Asking Questions

Asking a question is probably the easiest way to get a conversation going besides talking about the news or the weather.

And people ask questions for a variety of reasons. But the basic reason is to get information about something. Such as:

To get the location to a person, place, or thing.

To find out more about a person they are interested in.

To get instructions on how to do something.

To find out how their friend or acquaintance is doing.

To make sure people who need important information has it.

To find out if anyone has heard any news about a person, place, or thing.

To find out if people are aware of a certain event, action, or rule.

"Hey John, have you seen...?"

"Hey John, when was the last time you talked to...?"

"Mary, have you ever been to...?"

"Did you know about?"

"Have you ever heard...?"

"Did you see the game on TV last night?"

There are lots of questions you can ask to keep conversation going and that you can feed off of according to your listener's response.

You could ask for opinions on certain issues, styles, events, celebrity gossip, clothes, situations, etc.

Here's a list of leading questions to start a conversation:

What do you think about...
Do you like....
Have you ever seen...
Did you see ----- last night on TV?
Have you ever been to...
Have you ever ate at...
Have you ever tasted...
Did you hear about...
What do you plan to do after...
Do you ever go to...
Have you ever read...
Do you ever watch....
Have you heard that new song called (or by)....

Just observe and practice.

Make a Statement

Making a statement may seem like the most difficult thing to do when it comes to striking up a conversation, because many people feel the pressure to be funny, witty, wise, or interesting. They think too hard or try to do too much to impress their listener.

They are too concerned about other people's perception of them. They are too concerned that they will say something stupid or dull and lose their "audience", so they'll either say too much or become somewhat timid and not say much at all - waiting for the other person to do all of the talking.

If you have this problem, just be cool.

There are lots of creative ways to start a conversation.

First, keep in mind that a statement can be:

A flirtatious remark.

A story about something that happened to you recently.

Don't worry about which one to start off with. Just be bold enough to start.

Let your instincts do the work and stop over-analyzing the situation.

Don't be afraid to express your true feelings or show emotion.

If you like something, say you do. If you don't, say you don't.

If there is something you want people to know (or think that they should know), speak up!

You don't have to shout or act like a clown just to pass on information. When you have the opportunity or see an opening, just spit it out.

"I like your tie, Bill. Where/When did you get it?"

"Annette, you're really steppin' up your game today. That dress is hot."

"There's a major sale going on at Pimp-R-Us this weekend. They have gators and bling going for half off!"

"My car broke-down on the highway yesterday."

"Be careful if you're going out this weekend. The Man is gonna be hot out there on the block."

"I'm having a party next week and I want you to come."

There are many people who are shy about giving their opinion because they're worried about offending their audience. They're approval-seekers. They don't want any trouble. They don't want to get into any kind of debate or argument about what they believe, because they really don't like to talk much anyway. And the last thing they need is someone yapping in their ear trying to convince them that their opinion is wrong.

Don't let this turn you from discovering some good opportunities or having a good conversation.

Arguing and Debating - or some playful banter with someone you're interested in - can be fun and really get you pumped up...

As long as you don't let it take you to the extreme.

There are some people who love to argue all the time and get worked up over trivial disagreements. Sometimes it's fun to "compete" against these people (especially if they're close friends, family, or acquaintances) but avoid getting in too deep with those who take things TOO SERIOUSLY because a friendly disagreement can turn into hate or player-hating.

The main thing to remember about giving your opinion is simple:

BE READY TO EXPLAIN IT or DEFEND IT.

It's not that anyone may be challenging your opinion, but it opens the door for more dialogue and conversation - whether the person agrees with you or not.

There doesn't have to be any animosity involved.

You don't have to "go to war" just to prove that you're right.

They're just OPINIONS.

And, everybody has one.

It's ridiculous, but some people will despise their own family and friends just because the people don't like or admire one of their Celebrity Idols.

They're defending celebrities who don't know shit about them and who don't care about them as individuals.

Not once has the celebrity invited them to a birthday party, Christmas party, over to dinner, or called them up and asked them if they wanted to hang-out. Yet, they'll almost dis-own their own family or friend in defense of a man or woman who doesn't even know that they even exist.

Religion and Politics can also get a person worked-up and ready to scrap, so use tact or avoid these opinions unless you're seriously interested in the person and want to know more about him or her.

Otherwise, you might meet someone you'll regret you ever laid eyes on.

Debating is also an easy way of starting a conversation but the least recommended way.

Basically, you set someone up to argue with you.

Some people use the debate tactic to get more information and to settle disputes but it always has the potential of turning ugly.

It's always recommended that you have your facts and data straight before starting a debate or argument so that you won't get tongued-tied or embarrass yourself, but as we all know, there are many people who will argue regardless if they know what the hell they're talking about or not.

They'll even make up stories and fabricate all sorts of lies just to win the argument and these are the people you'll have to be ready for because eventually, they'll start screaming at the top of their lungs to try to convince you that they're right - even when you know (and they know) that they're lying.

One of main things to do is to remain cool, calm, and collected. Don't get into a shouting match.

And if they can't debate or discuss an issue without getting crazy and upset, end the conversation or change the subject.

You can ask them a question about a preference or about something that happened in the past.

Or, ask for their opinion.

Whatever they say or however they respond, you respond with the opposite. If they like a certain singer, you can say that another is better or that the singer has fell-off.

Usually the questions are simple:

"Have you ever tried... Did you like it?"

"What's your favorite... Why? Why not...?"

"Have you seen...? Did you like it? Why not? I thought it was good."

"Improve your conversation skills" (notes)

Question:

Im talking to a girl and Im running out of things to talk about. What
can we talk about?
We've already talked about her interests and what she does after
school and on the weekend. What can we talk about now?

Answer:

The one important thing to having a good conversation is to be a good listener. But to
be a good listener, you have to get the other person to talk. Just ask her for opinions
on certain issues, styles, events, celebrity gossip, clothes, situations, etc.

A list of ways to start a question:

What do you think about...
Do you like....
Have you ever seen...
Did you see ----- last night on TV?
Have you ever been to...
Have you ever ate at...
Have you ever tasted...
Did you hear about...
What do you plan to do after...
Do you ever go to...
Have you ever read...
Do you ever watch....
Have you heard that new song called (or by)....

So get her talking and have some opinions ready yourself. And don't try to please her
by being a good listener or by telling her that she's right. Just listen and be really
interested in her opinions, philosophies, and answers.

And scan the magazines every time you go into a grocery store while waiting. Look at
hair styles, teen magazines, fashion magazines, sports magazines, music
magazines, etc. Don't try to read them all at one time. Just whenever you go. And pay
attention to your surroundings. Look for things that are funny or newsworthy and talk
about that. Listen to other people talk - eavesdrop - and learn to improve your
conversation skills.

You should also learn how to be shocked to keep people talking and to let them "feel"
that you're interested - even if you're not. Here's a few:

What? Are you serious?
Wow!
You're kidding!
Get outta here.
And then what happened?
I can't believe it!
Well, what did you do after that?
That's amazing.
Are you for real?
Good gracious!

Just build on that. You can probably think of a lot of ways to be a little more
comfortable around her. Ask your friends and relatives for advice.

Also, learn to be a good story-teller. It will really help you out a lot. People who can tell
good stories are very interesting and have a better chance at getting people to enjoy
their company because they usually know how to tell good jokes and/or funny stories.
So, listen to the way people tell stories and learn how to do it yourself. You'll be glad
you did.

And stop feeling so pressured to be nice. You're trying to be so polite that you will
become boring. Don't do that to yourself! Be a nice guy but have fun and enjoy the
moment. If you're already talking to this girl, she's interested in you or likes you, so you
don't need to be so cautious about offending her. Chill out, and talk to other girls as
well to so that you can be more relaxed and comfortable about talking to any type of
girl - whether you're interested in her or not.

The question:

How do you build up self confidence in a social environment, without
getting scared?

----------

The response:

I always have that same problem. But it usually depends on what kind of social setting I'm in,
who I'm talking to, or what the conversation is about.

I don't talk much and when I do sometimes I ramble and talk only about what's going on with
me or in my life. It's not a good thing. And sometimes I just don't know what to say or I jump
in at the wrong time and I feel a little stupid later.

But I'm getting better because I watch and listen to almost EVERYTHING.

First, you need to talk about what makes you shy in the first place. Is it your looks? Are you
shy about what to say? Do you feel like people are watching your every move?

If it's your looks - just be clean and neat (and up-to-date) wherever you go. Update your style
and wardrobe. Get a new hairstyle and exercise if you are self-conscious about your looks -
but really that's not always important. It's all personality. You confidence and swagger. Just
be comfortable being you.

If you think people are watching you... so what? "F" them. People talk. Good or bad,
intelligent or stupid - people always have something to say. So "F" it.

Now, if it's your conversational ability, there are just a few simple things you need to keep in
mind.

First, always at least try to say "hello", "what's up", or "how are you", or whatever. Sometimes
people get offended if you don't speak to them and if you're joining a conversation, it's a good
intro. In North Carolina, we always say "How y'all doin'?" or "What's up?" and then we join in.

After your intro, just sit and listen to what the conversation is about before you start talking.
Remember: "Only fools rush in."

And make eye concact so that whoever is talking knows that you are officially in the
conversation.

Then remember the basics: Either you or someone is going to make a statement, ask a
question, or give an opinion.

The statement could be about the weather. It could be about somebody's relationship. It
could be about your dog if you have one. The same with the question or the opinion.

Next, remember that all statements, questions, and opinions are the topics for people to
start talking about news, tell a story, make a joke, rant, or talk about current events.

Example: This guy at work came in the break room and said to another guy, "Man, I'm gonna
kick my kid's butt when I get home." The other guy says, "Why? What happened?"

Now, he can go into his story about why he's gonna kick his kid's butt and the conversation
will start. And since the guy came in there and announced it to the entire breakroom, anybody
can jump in with their statements, opinions, or questions once the conversation gets rolling.

If you don't know what to talk about, think about this list:

TV news
life at home
dumb things other people have done or said recently
a new movie coming out
a scene in an old movie
what happened this past weekend
what are the plans for next weekend
why your boss or supervisor sucks
a person who was nice to you today
the maniac customer you had to deal with
a funny commercial on TV
a funny or dramatic TV show
a sport
a celebrity
traffic or some nut that almost ran you off the road
a nice-looking outfit someone has on at work
a tough school assignment
your chores at home
etc.

But the way to be able to talk about this stuff is to watch TV, or read the news, or listen to the
radio, OR... TALK TO MORE PEOPLE. The more people you talk to, the more informed you
will be and the more comfortable you will be with talking! But listening and paying attention is
important.

Next, just be relevant. Stay on topic until a better RELEVANT topic hits you.

For instance...

Some guys we're saying last week that Flavor Flav (a rap celebrity) was ugly and why would
any woman want him. Then they talked about the girls that were on the show. Next they
moved to a conversation about which girl was the prettiest. Then the conversation centered
around celebrity marriages. Then it went to what female celebrity looked the best and which
one they would marry. And it kept going until they were talking divas, singers, and
downloading ringtones.

So just be relevant.

Next, don't center the conversation only around yourself and try not to hog the conversation.
Try to keep the other person talking by being interested or at least APPEARING TO BE
interested. Laugh, ask questions, make statements (comments), give a quick quick quick
opinion, seem surprised at times (even shocked), and agree every once and a while.

Now, you have to show that you have some personality - that you're not one-dimensional.
You have to do more than stand there and listen. A conversation recquires TWO PEOPLE not
one, so you have to interact and stay at least on the same level to make it a good
conversation. Don't get too excited but don't be to conservative. In other words, kind of mimic
the other person or at least one other person in the group. But keep your cool. Keep listening.

This is another thing you could or should do:

If you're going out on a date or two a party, memorize a list of a few things you might want to
talk about before you get there. Write down some topics on a list (leave it at home) and
memorize it. You may never need it but you have it memorized just in case.

I don't recommend "being yourself" because it's not really a concrete idea. But I do think you
should practice. Practice on your family, friends, and co-workers, and just keep expanding.
But take it slow - it may take a year so to be fully comfortable with conversation. Don't try to be
perfect. Work into building your conversational skills slowly and confidence will sneak up on
you.

And finally... DON'T WORRY SO MUCH ABOUT WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK. Tell 'em to
kiss your butt if they don't like you.

The Game stays in motion and so does the drama and the problems.

But...

If a Player Truly Understands the rules, Knows his or her Objectives, and plays The Game well, he or she will enjoy Success and the many Benefits and Rewards that are waiting. Therefore, a Player must use good Game if he or she wants to excel in life and conquer the obstacles and issues that stand in his or her way.

He or she must be aware at all times and practice the use of good Game at all times. Compromising with those obstacles will make him or her weak and suffer in the "race" to Success.

He or she must fight, think and calculate, and stay "hungry" if he or she wants to enjoy the True Treasures of Life.

But, he or she must also have Wisdom, Honor, Integrity, and Self-Control...

The World doesn't have to be a Maze full of treachery, oppression, and violence. There doesn't have to be a lot of Confusion and Deceit. As long as we "honor our words" according to the G-Code and practice Fairness and Good Game, all Players shall thrive.

But those who are given to greed, power, and mischief will never be able to understand this. Their extreme Desire to win, player-hate, or to control the Universe will always be their downfall and the burden of others.

They don't strive to elevate. They strive to suppress and DOMINATE.

In "The Game", Players should always seek to be better today than they were yesterday. We should always strive for improvement. We should always seek to elevate and make our lives better. But, we need not practice malice or violence to do it. We can be fair and still be driven enough to possess "The Eye of The Tiger". Not only will this elevate our spirit, but the results are Success and True Happiness.

Even more than that, we will have PEACE OF MIND...

"BUT, TAKING ACTION IS THE KEY"

We know that accomplishing our Dreams and Goals will bring us the Benefits and Rewards that we seek, but we must play The Game to do it.

We have no choice.

For all of our wants and needs or solutions to our problems, there will ALWAYS be actions we must take, and a dilemma, a form of competition, obstacles, or challenges to overcome... just as each Story or Drama has actions the Hero or Heroine must take to deal with the conflicts that he or she must overcome. This is the essence of The Game.

Consider your own dreams, desires, and needs, and see if this is not so. If you want to accomplish a goal, you have to take action to make things happen and to get the ball rolling.

Even a lottery ticket doesn't just fall into your lap. If you want one, you must go out and get it, find it, or someone must bring you one.

All games require a form of play (or certain actions) in order to achieve a goal.

Action is a Universal Rule of "Nature and Instinct" and we can't escape it no matter what we do. The KEY is to use our Actions to deal with our problems and to create positive results and benefits in our lives.

There will always be the struggle to get some people to Agree, Understand, or take some form of Action for us to solve those problems. But all we can do is play The Game to the best of our abilities and do the best that we can to live our lives.

There will always be some form of "competition"...

"YOUR GATEWAY TO THE GOOD LIFE."